I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
