i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
