I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
