ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
