is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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