My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
