So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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