oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
