Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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