Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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