I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
