i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
worst night to have a conscience
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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