You don't have asthma, your pregnant
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
