420 ftw
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
