Quick, to the slutcave!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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