Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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