I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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