Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
