her vagina looked like bernie madoff
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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