I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
