I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
