Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
