Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
