This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
