So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
