He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
