i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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