Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
her vagine was all disorganized.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize