It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
