Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
