I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My feet surprised me
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