i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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