i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm just crazy horny about you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
