oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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