1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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