you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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