College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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