Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Couch. On fire.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
