I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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