Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
