i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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