I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
