she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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