I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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