I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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