I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize