I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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