If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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