Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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