So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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