I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
