When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize