at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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