yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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