Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
