she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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