dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
