I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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