I think I died a long time ago.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
