I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
