Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
