paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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