Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
