she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
