I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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