I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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