hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
