Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
