We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
