In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
