I skipped work to stalk him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
