I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
