nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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