Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize