Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
