that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
