apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
